adventure.

Today she talked about adventure.
it brought a lot of feelings about him, Him, her, me.
it scared me. I feared again for my heart.

Sometimes the choices that we make...bring about adventure.
Adventure that can help us grow or that can meddle in what we have created and destroy.
Growth can be terrifying or can invent something beautiful. destruction can give you a clean slate or just send you back peddling for years.
The adventure I chose was not what i had expected at all.
It was utterly mesmorizing. it had me wrapped. It caught me by the hand and threw me for a spin.
once it let got though, I had nothing to clutch, and i fell. i fell something awfully beautiful.

From the adventure, i broke, i tethered....and i came back.
See, if you do not come back, the adventure and all that you went through is worthless. this is not what God has intended at all for us.
He gives us these adventures to learn from, whether they are delightful or difficult lessons to be learned.

This is what i am learning continuously. everyday. non-stop.
I think the hardest part, the question i keep with me, hidden deep inside: how could something that made me feel real, made me want to live, I felt important, i felt needed, everything was important and beautiful, how could something that made sense, made things right, be so convuluted and broken? Where was God? Why is that when i felt so close and intimate with God, did everything dissolve?
I have found no answer of the sort.

and so i wait for an answer. i wait for tomorrow. i wait for adventure.