numbing.

"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God.
Go near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools,
who do not know that they do wrong. Do not be quick with your mouth,
do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God."_ecclesiastes

All i feel anymore is anger.
Nothing phases me save bitterness.
i try to warm up, but i am only cold.

i try not to say anything i do not mean to God, so i say nothing at all.

I always start out, tears brimming, heart wrenching," God...I am...."

I never finish: words never form.
all season long, words have not been completed. things have come undone, never finding enouh ground to wind themselves back together. conversations left unsaid, uncared for, love not lavished fully on to deep deep wounds. every thought left unquenched.

{People say words. my heart beats still into the silence.
feet move, trusting the ground to be there. never slipping.
lightheartedness has left , replaced by nothing.
overwhelmed by feelings unfelt. overwhelmed by untouchable possibility.
night stars turn into sun rays, eyes never adjusting to either one.
the cold. the bitter cold! the angry cold! is the only passion i know.
it feels like home to me.}

...soistayquiet...