the invalid;

["Do you want to get well?"
"Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."
"Pick up your mat and walk."

"See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you."]

-John 5

get up. take all my junk, all the shit, all of the mud. and walk. keep on going, never become stagnant again. do not become passionless. get up, and WALK.

this passage has always been so damn hard for me.
i want to talk with Jesus, and tell him that this life is not as easy as just walking away.
everything is connected. our hearts are woven throughout our lives, not just with God.
i think what i am trying to say is that i doubt that man actually stopped sinning, and that makes me sad. scared. hopeless.

this passage, at the same time though, makes me burn with yearning for healing.
it makes me hopeful that if this man who had lain by this "holy pool" for 38 years...38 YEARS, and can take his shit and walk away from embarrassment, brokenness, physical pain, confusion, utter ostracization, all the muck.
[only 19 years]
he has identified with these things all his life, all this "stuff" that seperates us from God, but when focused connects us with God.

through shame, Jesus hangs on the cross.
through brokenness comes healing hands and being held by God
through confusion, God pushes us to question our faith and what we really desire.
through the rejection, God tells us that even though society will not choose us, he does.

above all of this, through all of this, pushing through the battle. comes healing.
comes healing.
comes healing.
[healingofabrokensoul]

today:
picking myself up.
walking.
not away, but towards;