here.

As I am sitting this plane above the earth, I am blessed with the sunrise once again. I have not seen it in such a long time.
{not since the semester’s beginning}
The things is, I have never seen such an amazing dawn. With this morning comes renewal. real.honest.true. renewal.
Fos so long, it has been night.so long have I clung to my covers burrowing into safe places thinking that this was the only way to survive. Masking myself, robbing the daylight of my presence.
I have realized though that I have to rise from this slumber sooner or later. Showing the world my morning face, my only proof of this long long hibernation.
I cannot sleep any longer. I was created for more.
We were created to live. To experience. To love above all else…regardless of how much love people lack.

I have also realized
that the sunlight is not “good” or “bad,” but rather “whole.” So much in society, we want to say that things are either right or wrong, bad or good, but who are we to confine the whole? I mean, are we not under the judgement of God? How is something bad, if in the long-run, we are bettered than when we started the bad? How can the one thing we have waited for our whole lives, ruin us?
So, I have decided that nothing is concretely this or that, something or nothing, but just, “whole.” Is not God our example?

Once in a while, especially on plane rides, I will realize more about the bigger picture.
So many times in our lives, we do not realize anything else except our own lives, what we can only see right in front of us. So how could we be expected to see the bigger picture?
Well once again, I saw a little more of the bigger picture. I got so see all the burrows, all the city lights…all the people. Living in Newberg, you forget how many different kinds of people there are and how many of us there are.
[gosh, there are a lot]
It makes me think about more of the areas of my life that I have neglected over the past semester.
It makes me wonder where I was when I started at Foxy, who I was, how I have changed.
It makes me contemplate why I have been placed here, what I have chosen to accept and decline.
The bigger picture. We are all apart of it. So why do we not act like it?

For the last three Novembers, I have traveled back and forth between the Northwest and California.
All for different reasons, but the same love and admiration for God is there. For some reason, my heart has been stolen by the Douglas Fir and the urban life. My heart belongs in the cold, so I can realize the warmth.
Portland, Seattle, Newberg.
Everytime my life changes. Decisions based on displacement.


And I am here.
again.