new things

So I am working now! I work at the local movie theatres as of monday! It is a pretty easy job actually, it reminds me a lot of camp hammer. The only differences are the people that I work with and the nature of the food that is being reheated...baha! I worked with this kid from fremont last night, and he helped me clean one of the poppers. those things get gross real quick!
I think i might have the oppurtunity to be a light for these kids I am working with...they are funny nonetheless though. Last night I was overtly educated how to roll a fattie properly! good things to know, who knows when I will be in a dire situation to have to know that?

The only scary thing about this job is how much i be working! I am kind of niave when it comes to working 8 hours per shift becuase i was super lucky and blessed by the jobs that i have worked before this. Starbucks scedule was so flexible, it's not even funny. My internship was only 10 hours a week, and they were flexible as well. I loved Camp Hammer because i just got to hang out with friends all day. I guess my body just needs to get used to the thrashing of standing for eight or more hours a day, and my mind needs to start procrastinating school work! I am enslaved until otherwise noted.

Being home this summer, I have a checklist of things to do:
1. Get an A in Biochem.
2.Understand meaning of family, in regards to them and then secondly what it means to me.
3.Read Romans; glean from it.
4. Work my ass off.
5.Work my ass out.
6. Hang out with my dad more. Do things for him. lovehim.

hope.

i have been reading through Romans all summer.
it has been mind-bending thinking through each passage.
i have come to the conclusion that right now...right here...is where God wants me.
I am learning and applying so much.

Romans 15
^1-2 Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, "How can I help?"
^3-6That's exactly what Jesus did. He didn't make it easy for himself by avoiding people's troubles, but waded right in and helped out. "I took on the troubles of the troubled," is the way Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it's written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets along with us all. Then we'll be a choir—not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus!

The ones who sleep alone.

For the past two fridays, me and my friend jonathan have been feeding the homeless in downtown san jose.
i am..i have no words for how i feel about it. it is this weird knowing that I need to be down there friday nights rather than at the movies or doing something that costs money. I have money that I could be spending and wasting, but I am able to put that money towards other people.
people that sleep alone.
i can not imagine what it must be like, i pulse red just thinking about accepting food from total strangers because I cannnot support myself. Even asking if they are hungry is hard for me.
and yet...my heart beats for these fridays. it is not a question of whether I am going to do it, it is with whom and where.
I am blessed to be able to meet these people who sleep alone.
Last night we met this woman named Trish. she was a buddhist, and her way of looking at life was beautiful. She slept alone that night.
We also encountered a man who worked on the other side of town. He biked all the way downtown just to sleep...he preferred this park more than somewhere else. He slep alone last night.
Our presence was noticed by a homeless commune. We asked if they neeed food, they answered yes. One guy was a crack-up, he was hilarious! they all sleep alone.
Until otherwise noted, expect me down there every friday.

Romans 13:8 (The Message)
^8-10Don't run up debts, except for the huge debt of love you owe each other. When you love others, you complete what the law has been after all along. The law code—don't sleep with another person's spouse, don't take someone's life, don't take what isn't yours, don't always be wanting what you don't have, and any other "don't" you can think of—finally adds up to this: Love other people as well as you do yourself. You can't go wrong when you love others. When you add up everything in the law code, the sum total is love.

This is what I have been given to read this morning.
I love this.
[thankyou]

Nostalgic Winds.

it was quite the windy day today!
does this mean things are coming my way...new things? familiar faces?
my dad comes home in two more days, i am restless.

i just skimmed through three of my journals, that i have kept since freshman year...woah. i was quite the sass!
People...how did you deal with me?
...how do you deal with me now..?
well that was embarrassing.

I think if anything today held many forgotten feelings and memories of old wonderful worlds that i used to call home. Nostalgia, it's real people!

steady yourself.

I am silent now a days.

I try to make myself think and talk, but nothing really ever comes except brain-farts and never ending babble rambles of yesteryear.

My passion has receded to the caves of my being, and feelings have recoiled since the days of winter.

i feel lost most days without such structure as newberg had, but everyday is a learning experience. it's funny to me how much one can forget about a place or a thing not used in a few blue moons. I feel as if this old world is new and...almost terrifying to experience now. It does not have the same old rounded knobs, the same flickering lights, the familiar smiling faces; but instead includes a plethora of new, clean edges, bright blinding lights, and plastic unused people. To be in this new, but old environment is something i have not experienced before...it's almost as if i had moved off the continent for a year.

i guess it just takes some getting used to, you know? which is weird and totally unexpected, but needed nonetheless.

i guess this time of patience and waiting has just been hard. I am not used to it. i am used to getting what i want...

welcome to the real world i guess? baha!

oh how i miss high school.