Do you ever have those songs that do not really pertain to your life, but to love in general?
the songs that when you read the lyrics, it takes some time apply them to your own life?
and although you can not find any colrrelation between your head and the lyrics, the song speaks your souls vernacular?

i found this song yesterday, and it is one of the most amazing songs I have ever listened to over and over again.
such passion.
such love.
such heartbreak.
this makes me feel human.

Cosmic Love-Florence and The Machine

enjoy friends.

cosmic love.

hello hello.
we sit. we talk.
i let you see me. you let me in too.
this is beautiful. we are beautiful.

everything is chaos.
everything is shit.
this is sacred. this is beautiful.
we get up on tables.
wait...wait...and we are free.

i can hear.
your heart. your music.
soul vernacular.
we are a little cosmic.

with each word pressed against the wounds,
we explode.
with each touch,
we wait and sit and yearn for the next one.
with eyes locked,
we read, we write, we be.

[thank you for encouraging me friend.
you make me see the beautiful things.
the world can make sense.
God has made this good.]

chemical changes.

Written from a lab report:
"This experiment has taught me that although we think we know what is going on,
we have no idea,
For most of my life, I have thought that what I was feeling and seeing is what was happening.
We can never be too sure of what the eye sees though.
We have no idea of what is happening underneath.
Underneath the surface of the liquid, the life, the soul, things are happening.
Calm is only a face. A mask.
Underneath, things are rumbling. The contents of our hearts are always moving, never staying still enough to feel the correct feeling.
We are all so confused.
How do we change this?"

hello.nice to have you with us.

nice to have to you with us.
for once i finally saw you.
thank you.

"falling madly. passionately.
i have every idea except to stay, i am still intact.
just waited. forever.waiting.
I need to be in a relationship that is going to strengthen me and my relationship with god. and boost my self confience. but it needs to come naturally. not just me asking for it.
calms me down. so level headed. I need that. no idea what i can give.
I will forever love something beautiful.
I have never seen that with anyone...
[thisishuge]."
-dear friend. love you. want the best for you. you really don't know.

wrote this in my journal:
[I really pray that we can see grace and understand that sometimes love is a choice.
most of the time love has it's way of creeping up on us. your love, LORD, is thrust upon us.
and sometimes, it sucks the life right out of me because of how real it is.
how deep it goes.
how healing it always is.
God.
you hurt to touch.
you heal to the touch.
you are real.
you love. period.
I pray that we can see that.
God. you are beautiful.
you mellow me. you strengthen me. you birth me. you wait with me. you are I AM.
pour les siècles des siècles.
Amen.] 11:33 am

intact.intact.intactstill.

here I am.
come and find me please.
let me hide for awhile longer.
here am I.

things are not that easy anymore. was it ever?
the colors are not so vibrant. what did they look like?
everything is connected and seems to pull my heart.
the only thing left is move forward. or backward?
even if that means letting you go.
let my heart go too please. could you, for awhile?

the only thing that occupies my head is love.
love is for fools.
love is good. love is strength. love is being weak.
i love alaska. i love illumination. i love forgiveness.
God loves me.
i have never deserved that.
not once. still though:
here am I.

for some damn reason....IAMINTACT.
my heartsoulmind=intact.
broken puzzle pieces fit together for once.
thank you.

waiting.

today was unbearably pregnant.
i could not settle into the day.
today held a lot, though it was hard.
it hurt to feel the day.
i did not arrive.
stop and go.

you made me in your womb.
you never stop creating me.
you know me, even when i think i am okay.
love.

all that I wanted to do today was draw and paint.
sharp angles. round edges. soft colors. deep feelings.

happening.

where to begin?
where can it end? does it?
will it?
hopefully not.

Lately, many good things have been happening. lots of things just happening.
some things begin new journeys.
some close long awaited open doors.
most heal. fewbreakme.

touching away all day.
talking often.
6 calls or more in a day.
stress right and left.
good stress, bad stress. just stress.
and I am back again.

how have I journeyed here with my heart again?
what do I say? how do I let you know when I am ready?
please do not touch me too bad...

iamdelicate.

back!

so good to be back.
so good soogood!
stuck in my head all day!

things have changed.
things are the same.
everything is connected.
lovelovelove it.

new.old.new.

hello new year.

for the past few days, I have felt everything that was thrown at me. all of it being connected with the present and past. old feelings. new healing. waiting.
felt a lot of brokenness. there is a lot in this world that is broken.
but i did get to feel beauty from this brokenness as well, due to healing. healing from God.

i was playing this game today, "tip of the tongue!" you are supposed to answer these questions regarding everything from geography to pop culture. the questions are easy enough, but are just senseless and silly random facts.
all week long, I have felt like this game...having questions, feeling, and knowing that there are answers out there, but not really knowing which ones to answer with.
something just waiting to happen. waiting to come. waiting to just make sense.

i think i might be ready for some answers. i think i am.